


Bloody Half Moons

by koreabooeauty



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, its cuteish, its got a hopefully good end to it, mark is tired, my first markhyuck fix!!, this may trigger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 12:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10617387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koreabooeauty/pseuds/koreabooeauty
Summary: Mark is tired, tired physically and mentally. He's tired of people comparing him to his older brother.OrMark has anxiety and Donghyuck is his best friend who tries to help him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning!!! Mark self harms, and has panic attacks. He's not taking any mess for it! Please enjoy this fic!!!

Mark had always been a worrywart, but he didn't think it would get this bad. 

It shouldn't have gotten so bad that he was having attacks and hiding them from people, because then he would be a burden and be left alone. 

But it had gotten that bad, bad enough that mark had started digging his nails into his skin when he was panicking. He had half moons all over his body, his thighs were the worst place to look at.

They were where mark scratched the most, stopping at his knees. His nails were almost gone, he also had a habit of biting his nails. 

He knew he should tell someone, but he might make people worry. Plus his parents had their hands full with marks older brother, mark should try to make their life as easy as possible. 

Pulling himself out of the corner of the bathroom, he crawled to the door. Getting up, he dusted off his clothes and braced himself for the real world. 

Walking past his room, when all he wanted to do was curl up and stay there forever. He went to the kitchen, where his mom and dad were sitting. Going to his chair, he sat down and started eating his breakfast. 

"Good morning mark." His mother practically sung. She was a morning person, unlike his father who was a night owl. 

"Good morning mom." Mark replied sending her his best smile, the one where his eyes were closed so you couldn't see the pain behind them. 

Unlike either of his parents, mark wasn't sure if he was a person anymore. He didn't want to get up at all, everything seemed like it was so much work. 

The things that made him excited before, tired him out. He felt like a robot, just going through all the motions. If you had asked him what he did yesterday, he couldn't give you a answer. 

"Bye mom, bye dad. Se you later." He said when he was done with his breakfast. Walking out the front door with his backpack slung across one shoulder. 

He trudged to the bus stop, this was the time that mark feared the most, being alone was terrifying. It let his brain go into overdrive, thinking thoughts that even if mark knew it wasn't true he might believe it. 

He made it to the bus stop today at least, he wouldn't be able to skip school again without his parents noticing. 

The bus came eventually, letting mark on. He got to sit at the back of the bus, no one tried to bother him until donghyuck's stop. His friends could tell that they was something wrong but mark wouldn't let them figure out that it was something that had infested his mind. 

Like someone had threw a grenade into his mind, the grenade had broken the system he had built. Now he was scrambling to fix it, but he was just causing it to break it more. 

Feeling the bus come to a rough stop all of a sudden, he heard donghyuck climb aboard. How could someone be so annoying but look so ethereal? 

Feeling donghyuck plop down next to him, he wondered if he should skip basketball practice today. He could probably get away with it, did he care about basketball anymore? Was he just doing it to make people think he was fine. 

"Earth to mark? Mark?" Donghyuck whispered into his ear, for someone who annoyed him almost daily, his voice was heavenly to hear. 

"Yeah?" Mark answered, hoping for something to take his mind off of the fact that he wasn't using his time wisely, that he didn't have enough time to do what he wanted. 

"Is Taeyong back at home? I haven't seen him in a while." Donghyuck asked, meaning well. But just that question itself, sent Marks thoughts into overdrive. 

Taeyong, Marks older brother. Taeyong had gone to the same school as Mark, before he got his prestigious scholarship and graduated too of his class. He was good at sports, had joined a few clubs and won a lot of competitions. He had his own shelf of awards, whilst mark had nothing.

Mark had been close to his brother, until Taeyong had gone to high school. His kind brother was now mean to him, ordering him to do his chores, ignoring him, the list goes on. But whenever Taeyong did something wrong, it fell on marks shoulders. Like he should have stopped his brother from going to that party or he should've told Taeyong not to invite any friends over. 

His parents just wanted him to the best, the best he could be. They wanted a Taeyong replica and mark wasn't able to do that, but if he complained his parents would be so disappointed. 

It shouldn't be his fault that Taeyong wasn't the angel they remembered. But it was somehow, it was his fault. 

"Yeah, he's here for a while this time." Mark hesitated to answer, causing donghyuck to look at him warily. 

"Mark? Are you okay?" Donghyuck asked, voice soft and caring. Unlike his normal tone that was loud and always had an underlining of sarcasm. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Lie, these were all lies mark was spouting. Why was he so tired? Why did he feel so sad all of a sudden?

"Alright... if you say so."

Maybe marks facade wasn't as strong as he thought it was, was it only donghyuck who had realized? 

Why did mark feel so guilty? Why was the voice inside his head screaming at him? What did he do wrong?

No he deserved to feel this way, he wasn't what his parents wanted. He was a failure. He could never amount to anything. He was a shitty friend. Would everyone leave him? Did they ever really like him? Was he a burden? Was he a-

"Mark? It's time to get off." Going back to reality, he met donghyuck's worried stare. Looking at him and trying to give him a smile, to make donghyuck feel better. 

"Sorry, just tired." That wasn't a complete lie this time, he was tired. So tired. 

"Let's go, we'll miss homeroom." Grabbing his hand, donghyuck dragged him off the bus. 

The hallways were full, as always. Several different conversations at once, people trying to congratulate mark on the teams win this week.   
Smiling at the people, who's face he couldn't match to a name. He allowed donghyuck to lead him to class. 

Step after step, feeling like he was getting dragged to his own hell. A hell where everyone tole him he wasn't good enough. Studying for countless hours, but to no avail. Why did he even try anymore? 

The bell rings, everyone scatters. They make it to class without being late, this time. Sitting in his chair, the chair he sat in everyday. In the middle so no one would hopefully expect anything of him. 

The teacher walks into the classroom, pulling a folder out of her bag. It was the test, that they had taken the week before. 

"The highest score in class goes to Minhyuck! Everyone give a round of applause." The teens in the class gave a clap that you could hear the 'I don't care' in it. 

"When you hear your name, come get your test." 

Why couldn't she just go up and down the aisle? 

"Lee mingyung." She was one of the few who refused to call him mark, walking up to her desk he waited for whatever comment she gave him. 

"Minhyung, I'm disappointed. You should've done better. When your brother was in my class, he always had the highest grade." She said handing him his paper that proved that he was a failure. 

Going back to his desk with heavier shoulders, he sat down and laid his head down on the table. 

"Pss, pssst, Mark!" A familiar voice called him. Looking up, he saw donghyuck's smiling face. 

"So what did you get on your test?" This could go to ways. Mark could give him the paper, or could he just hide the paper. 

Choosing the former, he passed his paper to donghyuck. 

"Oh! What is this? The mighty mark got only a 97? What is the world coming too?" Mark knew donghyuck was joking, but it made him feel terrible. 

Feeling his breath get quicker, his head start to race with his heart. His eyes starting to sting with the flood of tears that they wanted to release. 

Shooting his hand up in the air, he looked at the teacher. "Can I go to the bathroom?" His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, making the class laugh at him. 

"Now mingyung? No you may not." Mark wasn't taking no as an answer, standing up he grabbed his bag. Slinging it around his shoulder he rushed out the door. Hearing the teacher call for him to get back here this instant. Mark ran quicker then he has ever before. 

Turning the corner to the boys bathroom, he ran inside of the bathroom. Going into the last stall, he scrunched himself into a corner. 

Corners were a safe place, small spaces were good. He could panic in peace and take off his make for a while. In big rooms, someone's always watching, forcing him to keep his mask on. 

Feeling his tears flood, creating a path down his face. As if they could put out the fire that was in his lungs, could calm his heart down so it wouldn't beat so quickly. But all that the tears did was make his feel extra shitty. 

Why was he so dramatic? So many people had it worse then him, who was he to be running out of class? 

Hearing somebody come into the bathroom, he quieted himself down as much as possible. 

"Mark?" Donghyuck called, voice just as soft as earlier. Trying to hold his breath, so the younger wouldn't find him. 

He was supposed to be the oldest out of the dream team. What kind of leader can't handle his own emotions. 

Letting out a hiccup, and then realizing what he did. Covering his mouth with both hands, as if that would fix the problem he's managed to create. 

Feeling donghyuck step toward the stall that he was inhabiting, he tried to make himself ball up even more. 

"Mark? I'm here..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say next. 

Mark just sighed, the mask he had created was cracking. Was it cracked before he had even put it on? Or could not even the mask cover all of his faults. 

How was he supposed to explain this? Could he play it off? The anxiety was getting worse and all that mark could think about was digging his nonexistent nails into his thigh. 

Little beads of blood come through the newest addition of half moons, but even then he didn't feel any better. The pain he was feeling must be nothing to the pain his parents would feel, if they found out. 

But he couldn't lie to donghyuck, he wouldn't even be able to play it off. Donghyuck was his best friend, maybe he could help, or he'd let mark continue. Donghyuck should know, right? 

His breath still hadn't evened out, but he moved from his crouching position in the corner, to near the door where hyuck was standing. Unlocking it, he waited. Donghyuck gently pushed the door open, seeing his best friend crouching near the toilet.

His eyes swollen, tears still trailing down his face, his thigh bleeding and scabs covering the surface. His hair was tousled but not in the casual way, in the 'I'm so stressed and my hair might be falling out soon' look. 

"Mark...." Donghyuck said crouching next to him, in all honesty that's not what mark expected the younger to do. 

Feeling the younger s gaze on him, knowing that hyucks brain was probably in a frenzy. Trying to think of an appropriate way to ask what the hell mark had done to himself. 

"I'm so tired, hyuck. I wanna sleep forever." That was the best way mark could explain it. He didn't want to die, no then he'd miss all of his friends and the achievements they worked so hard to get too. 

He just wanted all the expectations to stop. He didn't want to play basketball, he didn't want to rap, he just wanted to be his own person. 

"Okay, let's go home, you can tell me at your own pace." Donghyuck said, even though they had just arrived at school less then an hour ago. 

Standing up Donghyuck offered his hand to mark. Staring at it for a second before grasping it, he walked next to him. Not being dragged but going if his own free will, maybe this was a good thing. Donghyuck and him had always been opposites.

He didn't need to be like his brother, and Donghyuck would make sure he knew that. 

("I love you mark, even if you have panic attacks, I'll say it every day if you want.")


End file.
